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[06 Sep 2008|01:53pm] |
you know that feeling where you can't breathe and it feels like youre spiraling into nothing.
that's where i am right now.
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| sick of feeling ill.. |
[23 Aug 2008|08:45pm] |
someone's stolen my money,
my toothbrush,
my ID,
my box of dearly needed tampons,
and who knows what else.. this is just what i've noticed in the past couple of days.
i don't want to sleep anymore, or be tired.. i want to feel healthy.
my dad left a day after he found out his father passed. my house has been a bit more insane from the norm.
i'm giving up caffiene, sleeping pills, yeah..
i go visit the oncologist sept 2.
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| weekend. |
[19 Aug 2008|04:22pm] |
my grandpa joe passed away 08-10-08. 84 years old, and a marvelous man.
i've decided if i have a boy his first name will be joseph, and if a girl.. i'll whip it into some feminen type.. josie, josephina, i don't know.
just as long as the middle name can be marie!
i was trying to stretch money this weekend (gas, flowers, etc) and the flowers came out okay given the time frame.
the service was small, but a lot of people showed up. it was nice, considering..
i really miss my grandpa.
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[07 Jun 2008|10:27pm] |
i seriously don't know what to study for as far as school goes.
do i go ahead with my business degree and become successful..
..or do i go along with my artist side and do, well.. what i love to do.
$$$ + weirdos stairing down my shirt 24-7
vs.
-$$$+ and probably financialy issues but id like what i'd be doing??
is there no justice in fashion/art+business/economy?
dun dun dun
i went and finally saw the cancer specialst this past thursday.
my surgery is scheduled for june 27th.
that's a big rock off my chest.. then i just have to wait for the results from the patholist. glee
i'm taking the 16-18 off from work.. the bf is coming the 14th hopefully.
we're going to sf and i'm packing lunches.. yay golden gate park.
i can finally chill out from everything.. and breathe.
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[22 Apr 2008|07:41pm] |
why?!
stupid ins billing me for surgeries from last year when ive been covered this whole time.
puts a damper on moving plans.. a huge one
what if my ins doesnt go through...
and i'm supposed to have the same thing done but in a diff area? this could stop that..and i get to enjoy the pain for even longer, heh.
and WHERE IS ALL MY FING JELLO.
i bought two packs, had ONE last night..none left.
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[08 Apr 2008|08:38pm] |
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music |
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Against me! - Stop |
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round 5 of layoffs happened at work today.... i'm a surviva [what a retarded song].
i have a second opinion dr apt the 17th.
go to see what needs to be ripped out of my mouth this thursday.
i met the bf's parents/family. random wedding, was fun.
anddddddddd............ we rode our sweet bikes. yeah!
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[07 Apr 2008|09:43pm] |
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i really fucking miss my hookah kitty. :(
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[02 Apr 2008|03:59pm] |
it's funny how people figure that since they're older they can do whatever they want in situations.. without consciously acknowledging the fact of course.
for example, no one really wanted to wake up and goto school everyday but it's something you had to (or should've..) do. as soon as you turn 18, you can drop out, or choose to not continue your education. all simply because you didn't want to do it anymore, but now you're stuck at some bullshit dead-end job. right? right.
no one does anything now because they're bad at it, to become better- because of age.
well, F THAT fucking rediculous. you don't goto work because you WANT to you goto work because you HAVE too.
people are fucking retarded.
the dr's finally returned my call yesterday. they made me an appointment to have a biopsy done on the 23rd.. which i am considering cancelling since the original request from the IMG dr was to have the lump entirely removed.
i have a second opinon appointment the 17th.. so hopefully he will give me the correct referral this time and not try to beat around the bush for extra $$$. i like this dr.. he's the one who fixed my bartholin cyst. eeeee! just for that, i love him for life.
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[01 Apr 2008|04:30pm] |
</param>
THIS IS NOT SPAM god damn it and if you do not repost this or at least sign it i seriously want you to delete me right now because this could be in my near future and is a BIG DEAL.
- Sarah
A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to remove cancerous breast cells/tissue. If you know anyone who has had a Mastectomy , you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards.
Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure.
Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery.
Clicking on the link at the bottom of this bulletin will only take you 30 seconds tops to have the page actually load and sign your name.
I don't care if you're male, you have a mother, a girlfriend, some sort of woman that matters to you in your life. So you don't have to pass it on, but for women's sake please sign the damn petition.
This is BS!!!
It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important. Please take the time and do it really quickly! Please send this to everyone in your address book. If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard , this is one of those times.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act it will require Insurance Companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through mastectomy' where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery , against the wishes of their doctor , still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.
Lifetime Television has put this bill on their Web page with a petition drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed on.
PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the Web site below. You only need to give your name , email address , state , and zip code number.
http://www. lifetimetv. com/breastcancer/petition/signpetition. php
This takes about 2 seconds. PLEASE PASS THIS ON to your friends and family , and on behalf of all women , THANKS.
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[30 Mar 2008|09:38pm] |
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music |
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dragonette - black limosine. |
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ben almost died this week[end].
i spoke with him on friday and he let me know that he had just gotten out of the hospital. he starts dialiysis within the next few weeks. they won't put him on the kidney transplant list until he gets some sort of medical insurance.
the dr's dont understand how he is still alive... his toxicity screenings are way high.
i sat and talked to him like normal, and feel like such a bitch now.
i told im not to worry about it, because it wasn't going to help and compared my stupid lump in my boob to his problem.
i was sitting in the car later when i realized all the things i meant to be sincere must've sounded like absolute and complete bullshit.
i'm really sorry ben.
***
speaking of dr's..they still haven't called me back. i don't know what i'm going to do monday. it's like why even bother getting pissed. how can someone seriously fucking tell you, "hey, ya might have cancer.." then expect to NOT do anything about it. SERIOUSLY?! what the fuck. DR. ALKEDA's office workers. you're all a bunch of cunts.
on a lighter note, i bought some marvelous peruvian threaded earrings in berkeley today.
now these aren't the actual earrings, but they're practically identical!
i'm thinking a white slip dress, and wedges? it matches my ring too.. floats away
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[26 Mar 2008|04:28pm] |
we're fine now.. i put my ring back on and re-scheduled my flight for april.
saved me 30 bucks! hell yeah.
my dr's .. are no longer my drs after i recieve this referral, which was promised to me, "FIRST THING IN THE MORNING" mind you.
i called at noon, and they said it still was not ready. so glad they take so fucking long. i'm taking my dad with me next time.
YOU DO NOT TELL SOMEONE THEY HAVE A HIGH RISK OF HAVING CANCER TO MAKE THEM WAIT. shall i sue for insanity? jesus christ in a taxi cab.
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[25 Mar 2008|07:03pm] |
the one and only person i actually expected some sort of support was from my boyfriend, who i don't even know if i should even be calling him that anymore.
i told him i have to see the surgeon next to see how theyre going to remove part of my breast since there is a mystery "lump" forming between my breast/armpit, and his response was, "are you going to just sit on the phone and be angry now or what"
today has been wonderful, really.
i have never felt so alone
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[24 Mar 2008|06:34pm] |
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mood swings galore. i don't want to be here anymore.
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[23 Mar 2008|09:38pm] |
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i think i'm really scared.
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| good morning. |
[22 Mar 2008|10:41am] |
today is a beautiful day. :) i may go and find a patch of grass to sit and read.
to-do list [that probably won't get done]
write-up monthly budget.
go through room + organize.
list all the vintage purses i found on e-bay.
return all the clothes i bought for spring, but haven't touched..
put all remaining money in the bank!
silly easter joke:
what do you calling a line of bunnies walking backwards??
( answer here. )
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| buzz buzz |
[20 Mar 2008|03:41pm] |
today was a good day!
my boss even scolded us all, and it was hillarious.
i'm overly confident with the fact that had i not been eating a late lunch at my desk and having just stuffed a few tortilla chips into my mouth.. that i would've snapped right back at her.
the broad gives us all of her work. YES, HER WORK.. that she is supposed to be doing, not us.. because she doesn't have the brain capacity to understand. so she gets frustrated, and belittles us.
it must be nice to be an ex stripper, chain smoking, ex-fiance left her for a man..bitch.
hahahaha.
anywho, i'm extremely excited. my boyfriend bought me a vintage rat rod bike, and he's painting it "cupcake wrapper yellow!" can you imagine? it'll be my little bumble bee. venice here we come!
and.. inspite of a good day i am making bruschetta and pesto pasta for dinner.
mm, carbs. xo
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| minds a flutter |
[19 Mar 2008|09:02pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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music |
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duffy-mercy |
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i can't say that i am not suprised.
i had a mamogram schedule last august when the dr found several "lumps" in my breast. naturally, i have larger than usual boobs (no, not, huge) so this i thought was normal.
turns out, it was.
the dr. at the private imaging place told me that this was just the usual run around, but to be thankful i had a dr. to send me in to double check.
right. anyway, the weeks following up to this previous appointment left me shaken up, and i was ready to admit to myself without even having..cancer.
in december i had had a marsupulization done to one of my bartholin glands (i will let those of you actually interested in this google it on your own..) and had found a lump in my armpit. i asked the dr if this was normal, and his response was that it was just an enlarged lymph node and took no further caution.
well, months later! it's still there.
i had another ultra sound yesterday, and this time the, "head hancho" imaging dr. came in to speak to me.
he told me that i need to have my, " lymph nodes biopsied for breast cancer."
i still haven't cried yet.. new dr, still getting the run around.
no point in getting upset over the unknown.
which is typical, but at the same time...
if it's going to happen... it's going to happen- and i can only attempt to make myself stay as sane as possible to survive it all.
right?
i'm just sick and tired of all this mess. i want to be healthy.
...i want to understand WHY dr's offices hire such fucking tards to answer phones.
seriously, you're just making this a hell of a lot fucking harder than it should be.
as much as i hated kaiser, at least they were fucking organized!
oh, and ps. i've picked a wedding ring and dress out. xo
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